I know it's been a while since last I wrote. Forgive me, I was whimpering in a corner afraid to tell you what toddlerhood is really like. Our days have been filled with trying to teach a less than 1 1/2 year old that she should really pick up her toys, trying to feed her more than just raisins and pasta, learning her new language, and trying to cover up our bald spots from pulling out our hair during all of this. But with all the drama/trauma comes lots of free toddler kisses and hugs which pretty much wipes out all the "bad" stuff.
Now onto today's lesson: Toilet Parenting. I warned you last post that the insanity of MommyMoo is going to ramp up since I am six months pregnant with our next baby. And if you've ever been pregnant you know how much time you spend in the bathroom, so toilet parenting is a logical first beginning to our series on "Two Under Two". Turn back now if you are not a serious student of parenting. The following could get ugly.
You may recall in a much earlier post I described the difficulties of even finding a time to get yourself into the bathroom with a baby. I was often forced to wait until my husband came home from work at 5 o'clock which meant a very long day. The good news is with a toddler, you can say "I'm going to the bathroom" and they will cheerily play with their toys while you run off and take care of business. Pah ha ha ha! Sorry, I must tell you the truth, this blog is after all a public service. I do say "I'm going to the bathroom, Ginny" but rather than play continuing in the livingroom, Ginny leaps up and says "Potty potty potty!" which in her language means "Yay free-play time!" She dashes into the bathroom practically quivering at the fun that awaits. Rather than shutting Ginny out of the bathroom which results in banshee-like crying at the door, I let her stay in. This can't be too bad, there's a large bin of bath toys that can surely occupy her while I do what needs to be done. Wrong. For some reason, toddlers can sense that you are trapped on this big white thing. We have a tiny bathroom, but Ginny is able to creep into corners where I can't possible reach. This is the time when toddlers actually want to climb into the bathtub. Just try rescuing a dangling toddler half in a bathtub while you're on the toilet without making a mess. Then there's the toilet paper--the logical toddler go-to bathroom destruction. Luckily Ginny just picks at it and doesn't roll it all out yet. Yet. Then there's that little cap thing on the base of the toilet. What is that thing anyway? Whatever it is, it seems to attract all the filth in the entire bathroom and is one of Ginny's favorite things to play with. Second only to...the toilet brush. Gah. Toddlers and toilet brushes should not happen. But you tell me how to get a toilet brush out of a toddlers hand while sitting on the toilet and not getting whatever the heck the toilet brush had on it all over the bathroom.
I feel sort of guilty now that I have raved about how hilarious and fun a new baby can be in your life. Maybe you have one now, or you are expecting one soon. You've already mapped out your discipline chart from now until your child is eighteen. Maybe you've studied up on Super Nanny's method of discipline: firm voice, get down on their level, look them in the eyes, tell them "this behavior is unacceptable". Toddlerhood will be a breeze, you've got it all worked out...But try getting down on their level when you're on the pot.
So here's my advice: if it won't kill them or isn't really yucky, let it slide. That means that bin of your hair bands and clips that you just organized is fair game. The washcloths and shower curtain can be tossed about. Let them open and close the bathroom door into your knees a hundred times. Just be grateful that you are getting the chance to use the bathroom. For the stuff you don't want them to touch, proceed with the "Hey! Wait! No! Not that! That's icky! No! Or that! Put it down! No, don't touch Mommy with that!" routine.
There. Now who else is going to tell you how to parent from a toilet?
