Maybe you already know what it's like to move with children, if so, stop reading now, go get yourself a glass of wine and pat yourself on the back. Your medal is in the mail. For those of you who haven't moved with children, buckle up and listen up.
1. Don't do it.
2. If not moving is not an option, you may now go get yourself a glass of wine. You will need it.
3. Put off contemplating how you are going to put all your worldly possessions into a few flimsy cardboard boxes for as long as possible.
4. Now that it's a week before moving day, you may begin the frantic hunt for those darn boxes.
a. If you have a favorite liquor store, this is the best place for finding boxes last minute. It's also a great time to replenish your wine supply that is nearly gone. Plus it makes a great impression on your future landlord when you show up with a U-haul full of liquor boxes. Trust me. Nothing says "I'm a responsible renter" like a couple dozen whiskey and vodka boxes.
b. When you have successfully loaded up all your things that will fit into the liquor boxes and are now left with things like crock-pots and umbrellas, (Seriously, how do you pack a crock-pot??) a new wave of panic sets in, and the time has come for pestering your friends on facebook for "any leads on boxes". (Who knew you'd be ever be a nervous wreck in search of "leads" for cardboard?!) This is a low point, and you may want to pop a few corks from your new supply.
5. Now that you have packed all your boxes, it's time to recollect all the items from around your house that you *thought* were in boxes but the kids have found and wandered off with. Here's where the fun of moving with kids begins. See, most adults can count on something being left where they left it. Once a box is packed, you can bet it will still be packed in the morning. Movers with kids will frequently battle the overzealous toddler that feels the need to extract every item and present it to you as some sort of gift: "Here, Mommy! I'm helping!"
a. While you re-pack all of your boxes, this is a prime time for your preschooler to come and ask, "Mommy, why are you packing that box?" This is not the first time the topic and philosophy of "moving" has come up. In fact, for the past 3 weeks it is quite likely that this same child has asked, "Are we moving TODAY?". And please be aware that if you answer again what "moving" is, that does not mean they won't feel the need to ask the same question for *every* box that you pack. Nope, not exaggerating.
i. In order to get some actual packing done, I recommend loading your children up with crayons and setting them loose on your supply of boxes. There will be some casualties, but nothing a Magic Eraser can't fix.
6. Go to the store and buy more Magic Erasers. Lots.
7. Time to rent the moving truck. If at all possible I recommend hiring a babysitter for this time because if you don't you will be chasing your children up and down the loading ramp instead of loading actual, y'know, boxes.
8. The truck is loaded; it's time to set out. If you are driving the car with the children to your new house, I'm sorry. We tried to plan our move at about bed time so the kids would pass out as soon as they were buckled, but um, it didn't quite go as planned. Instead the trip consisted of about 50 miles of "I can see the truck!"... "I can't see the truck!"..."Where's the truck?"..."Is that the truck?"...and I didn't realize this actually happened, "Are we there yet?"
9. Once you have had all your sanity can handle, I calculated that at 50 miles, it's time for some drastic measures: Jazz. I'm pretty sure it's scientifically proven that human beings can not process the cacophony that is jazz and so the body rapidly shuts down into a deep hibernation. This effect is exponential in young children. Once your children have slipped into their comas, it's time to focus on *your* antidote to jazz, else you will never make it to your new house. Just try singing along to the music. Your brain will get an adrenaline boost trying to predict exactly where that jazz music is going to go.
10. On the other end of the move, it's really quite simple. Get your hands on a large appliance box, throw your kids in with some kibble, cut window if desired.
~Mommy Moo
