The Adult Onesie

I was absolutely inspired by an article by Jay Mohr I recently read in "Parents" magazine about a couple trying to potty train their toddler. Baffled by why their techniques weren't working, the two wondered whether their toddler actually *liked* peeing and pooping in his diaper. Then they got to thinking that perhaps *they* would like it too. Here is one of my favorite excerpts:

"We've all been stuck in traffic on the way to work after eating a bran muffin and having that extra cup of coffee....Forget car-pool lanes. There should be an 'I'm about to poop my pants!' lane....About 15 percent of the time I get stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic in the desert and think, in all sincerity, that I should have worn a diaper. With adult diapers we'd all drive to work carefree. Like little kids, we'd just let loose when it was time. Hopefully our parents would be at work waiting to change and powder us. Either them or a very understanding colleague."
Full article at http://www.parents.com/parenting/celebrity-parents/moms-dads/jay-mohr-diaper-duty/
(I recommend reading the entire article...)

That got us thinking...

Whenever my husband dresses our daughter, he immediately seeks out a onesie. They are easy to put on and make diaper changing much faster. When the baby wears just an ordinary shirt and pants, the shirt is constantly riding up and we have to chase her around all day pulling the shirt back down. The onesie is your one stop outfit. They are comfy, cool, and they often have a peachy quip like "I'm adorable" or "Princess" or "Free Gas, Inquire in Rear". Gems.

See how easy it is to play a block like a harmonica when you're wearing a onesie?! Poetry.

So why can't adults share in the ease and comfort that is the onesie? My husband pondered the other night: "How old do you think is too old to wear footy pajamas?" That's a good question. We decided that you are never to old. (N.B. We did decide that one may want to avoid wearing them during pivotal high school years)

Afterall, how great would it be, ladies, to not have to worry about your "I'm not in high school anymore" belly hanging out between your pants and shirt? I don't know about you but I think someone between high school and now must have kidnapped me in the middle of the night, drugged me, and put me in one of those torture devices that stretches your limbs into spaghetti--only all it did was stretch my torso, so now all my shirts rest somewhere between my belly button and my neck. Either that or I a shrunk all my shirts. Another somewhat less amusing possibility. Just imagine! With three snaps in your crotch, no more belly hanging out!

When I was in high school, before the dawn of the current "Britney Spears Catholic Girl" uniform, we had a dress code and daily checks for violations. We were required to raise our arms above our heads to see if any skin showed above our pants. And if there was--back home you go to change your shirt! Or you would be given an ENORMOUS traffic-cone-orange shirt to wear, akin to the Hester Prynne's Scarlet Letter, to broadcast how shameful you were to be wearing something culturally normal. Most girls ended up wearing extra long shirts tucked into their pants underneath their "normal" shirts. All day we would fiddle with the shirts, causing much more attention than probably a fraction of an inch of skin would have brought. Man! What a breeze a onesie would have been! We could have done freaking jumping jacks and no skin would have shown! Don't you ever just wish you could re-do high school with the knowledge you know now? That would have been my first change--an adult onesie.

As my husband and I were chuckling at the prospect of an adult onesie, I suddenly remembered, I actually have one! It's in my closet now! When I lived in a college dorm, a mysterious box of peculiar clothing showed up, and all the girls had a blast sifting through and creating the most hideous catwalk show. We laughed and laughed as we mocked whoever must have worn all these hideous articles of clothing, especially what we referred to as "THE SHIRT-ITARD". It was a blouse up top, onesie on the bottom. Genius. People would think you were dressed to the nines with your chic button up blouse--but they would never guess your secret...

I recommend sporting snake skin tights underneath your adult onesie.  And yes. Those are shoulder pads...(This is an ancient picture by the way...)

Even Super-Model gone showbiz tycoon Tyra Banks sports a onesie:

Ms. Banks may call it a "Jumpsuit", I call it an adult onesie. Bravo. Fashion and practicality do mesh!

I think adults, as well as babies, should be able to enjoy the ease and comfort of a onesie.  Now all that's left is to think of adult appropriate peachy quips to go on the front of our onesies.  How about: "I have a mortgage and snaps in my crotch" or...instead of something cutsie like "I'm adorable" we go for something a little more realistic like: "I'm aging...horribly". Or my husband's suggestion: "My shirt is giving me a wedgie".
How could one go wrong with an adult onesie? I see no bad sides.  Have I convinced you?  Please see the newly added poll at the very bottom of my blog page.  Voting will last for a week and your vote counts! (That's more than can be said about the current Electoral College system! But that's fuel for another rant...)